stevie knickers

good morning dear blog readers. i woke up at 7 and decided to get out immediately and walk the scenic part of the route to school/the workshop. I have learned how to blog from my iPhone which is why I’m writing more often, like on my way and stuff.

There is so much spring stuff going on. Like, calendar-stuff. I love calendar stuff, it kind off marks and structures the passing of time and seasons. The other day the clock was set forward one hour, we call it summer time, but I guess in English that’s called daylight savings or something like that? Summer time sounds way more fun. Daylight savings sounds kind of economic and boring. And last week it was spring equinox. Like the day and the night were equally long, which seems to me very poetic. As usual in spring a strong feeling of melancholic longing is inhabiting the body. This strong longing for something you don’t know what it is is really a little cruelty of the springtime, but I guess all of the trees and flowers and deer and bunny rabbits and birds and all of nature feels it too, so in a way it’s a nice thing to just be part of nature, there is a sense of belonging. Ella had planted a lot of different seeds and she showed them because they were now green plants stretching up out of the soil and reaching straight up towards the sun. I thought it was a very powerful sight and she laughed at me but i swear if that is not longing then i don’t know what is!!

I am now in the workshop drinking instant coffee, instant coffee is nice. Rewatched Gilda with Rita Hayworth the other night, an ex bf once told me she reminded him of me, but now after seeing it again I feel that was not very much of a compliment. The whole movie she is very toxic and is playing mind games and acting like a tall child, but on the other hand, she has incredible hair and aura. Why should anyone want to be the femme fatale anyway? They never get the guy and they are always in trouble and they almost always die in the end. Those days are over!

Anyways here is my spring playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0iUXYE9lxPUQGfMGn3NpPg?si=uafkDtRhRumjsekUH5xBkA&pi=n3490hD-SKqQU

I wish everyone a wonderful day

isn’t this just the best song ever. and the best music video ever? makes me cry every time

I am not trying to win any more. When I was younger I think I saw life more as a game. But now all I want is true connection. I want to understand things. And to see things clearly, not through the filter of my own idealism and projections. I am not scared anymore. Truth and sadness purified my soul. I want to be a good person.

One thing that is very hard in life is that you need to live like you could die tomorrow, but you also need to live like you could live to be a 100 years old, because both of them could happen, and you have no way to know. So you need to live so you would be happy even if you died tomorrow but also so that you would be happy if you live to be a 100 years old. And finding the balance between those two things can be pretty hard I think, do you know what I mean?

I just found some moss in my hair..

I feel kind of lobotomized after the weekend. but it was a very fun one. I met a lot of people who I like very much and there was everything nice that one wants from a weekend, and even though there was some drama and we joked it was a lost weekend I didn’t feel lost at all … one could actually say it was a found weekend …… jk jk

on the Saturday Paula, Ella and me rented a car and made a break from the city. we listened to music in the car, we bought some different weird new sodas and Paula bought cookies and we saw Swedens first brick building. It is a monestary church from the 1200s and the founders were still in their iron caskets in a crypt fully visible underneath the chapel, count Orlok style. then the sky behind the castle turned completely pink and the lake reflected it, we found an orchard with very old and small apple trees where we ran around and then rested. It made me so happy. here are some pictures. 

I have a feeling and that feeling is like the butterfly that lands on the finger of the anime guy in that meme you know. It hasn’t got a name yet but it’s beautiful.

I am blogging from Ellas bath tub. She has this lovely Finnish tar schampoo, it smells like Lapsang Souchong tea, which always reminds me of my friend Erik. I love friends and bath tubs. Me, Ella and Susanna have been sewing stuff on the floor of her living room and we put on dirty dancing on the projector. best movie ever. Every time I see it I think about how fun it would be if one and all of ones friends could dance like that, how fun every party would be. But one probably wouldn’t get anything done. Also I always think about how Patrick Swayze has a childish mouth, which in juxtaposition with his masculinity makes him beautiful. Pete Doherty and Anthony Andrews also has this kind of mouth. I have a list in my head with mouths like these.

I heard the ice cream truck again before. It was right outside and I ran out and bought us some ice creams, they were a new kind, the flavor was of a Swedish pastry called dammsugare. The ice creams were green and brown. They were really good. Ella and Susanna liked them too. It’s so fun to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck. I feel like I have to do it every time I have the chance, to support their cause, i don’t want them to go out of business and stop existing, I don’t want to live in a world without the ice cream truck. This summer it came and parked on a street where we were sitting and drinking beer and I bought a package of ice creams and I wanted everyone that was also at this cafe to have one but no one wanted one? Except Paula and Susanna. So that was dissappointing. Also maybe even Paula couldn’t have one because I probably accidentally bought ones with peanuts in them, which she is allergic to, and I am constantly unwantingly trying to kill her with things containing peanuts.

Now I will get out of the bath tub and talk to Ella. Xx

Good morning. I feel all soft inside my heart today. It is a good feeling. Today, I shall just walk to the bus stop and sit there until the bus comes even if it’s in 20 minutes. I want to go by bus today, not the metro. I don’t want to be underground. I want to see everything and listen to music. I really wish I could be on a bus or a train all day and that you would be there too. I don’t want to talk just want to sit in silence and organize my playlists. Maybe that’s what I’ll do this weekend. Just pick a bus that has a nice route and just sit there all day while it goes around and around town. I just love listening to music in a moving vehicle. It’s the best thing in the world. I can’t wait til I have my drivers license.

I hope you have a nice day