stevie knickers

I have a feeling and that feeling is like the butterfly that lands on the finger of the anime guy in that meme you know. It hasn’t got a name yet but it’s beautiful.

I am blogging from Ellas bath tub. She has this lovely Finnish tar schampoo, it smells like Lapsang Souchong tea, which always reminds me of my friend Erik. I love friends and bath tubs. Me, Ella and Susanna have been sewing stuff on the floor of her living room and we put on dirty dancing on the projector. best movie ever. Every time I see it I think about how fun it would be if one and all of ones friends could dance like that, how fun every party would be. But one probably wouldn’t get anything done. Also I always think about how Patrick Swayze has a childish mouth, which in juxtaposition with his masculinity makes him beautiful. Pete Doherty and Anthony Andrews also has this kind of mouth. I have a list in my head with mouths like these.

I heard the ice cream truck again before. It was right outside and I ran out and bought us some ice creams, they were a new kind, the flavor was of a Swedish pastry called dammsugare. The ice creams were green and brown. They were really good. Ella and Susanna liked them too. It’s so fun to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck. I feel like I have to do it every time I have the chance, to support their cause, i don’t want them to go out of business and stop existing, I don’t want to live in a world without the ice cream truck. This summer it came and parked on a street where we were sitting and drinking beer and I bought a package of ice creams and I wanted everyone that was also at this cafe to have one but no one wanted one? Except Paula and Susanna. So that was dissappointing. Also maybe even Paula couldn’t have one because I probably accidentally bought ones with peanuts in them, which she is allergic to, and I am constantly unwantingly trying to kill her with things containing peanuts.

Now I will get out of the bath tub and talk to Ella. Xx

Good morning. I feel all soft inside my heart today. It is a good feeling. Today, I shall just walk to the bus stop and sit there until the bus comes even if it’s in 20 minutes. I want to go by bus today, not the metro. I don’t want to be underground. I want to see everything and listen to music. I really wish I could be on a bus or a train all day and that you would be there too. I don’t want to talk just want to sit in silence and organize my playlists. Maybe that’s what I’ll do this weekend. Just pick a bus that has a nice route and just sit there all day while it goes around and around town. I just love listening to music in a moving vehicle. It’s the best thing in the world. I can’t wait til I have my drivers license.

I hope you have a nice day 

hello… do you want to know whos a little bitch? YOU are!!! just kidding.

i had this dream the other night that i walked into the bar of “The Ralph Lauren Polo Club” and i sat down by the bar and asked for a whisky. The bartender said didnt I want a dark beer instead, a Guiness or a Porter? I said, do you think its too early in the day for a whisky? and he said no no no and laughed it off, but still I got a porter instead of a whisky, which happens to be my drink of choice.

Then, I was suddenly Lena Dunham in girls, but still in the bar, and I was there to secretly write something problematic about the bar, but instead I reconnected with my (Lena Dunhams) ex Jack Antonoff. Jack Antonoff was throwing basketballs on a grassy hill (still in the Ralph Lauren Polo Club) and told me/Lena to throw myself on the basketballs and roll down the hill. This seemed like something they used to do.

I then reflected on how I, the real me, is scared of basketballs and could not have played that game and i was conscious of how I was not Lena Dunham, I was just someone else in my dream.

when I woke up, I asked chat gpt to analyze this according to jungian dream theory and it said about the bar and the drinks that whisky represents maturity and strength while guiness/porter is heavier and more down to earth. The bartender is steering me away from the whisky and I ask him if its too early in the day. It says that this could be an inner conflict between wanting to take myself seriously (whisky) and being more anchored in something robust and steady (guiness)… i dont really know about this. i see no conflict between these two. i think i can have my whisky and drink my porter too, you know.

this is like the fifth time in a row I am someone else in my dreams, even though Lena Dunham was new. chatty says this could mean I am reshaping my identity and that I am searching and exploring different roles in life. this seems true

i have been hearing and seeing the ice cream truck all the time lately. I used to only hear it once a week and it used to make me really feel something. but now that i hear it every day its not that special anymore… but im happy it still exists. shine on you crazy diamond

You know the feeling when you run your palm across clean and ironed cotton on a hotel bed and the friction gives your hand a strange electric feeling? I feel like that all over my body

Time just goes on and on and if you don’t do something it will sweep you away with it in a tidal wave. You will become driftwood in the grander scheme of things, of things just happening. Don’t dissapear. When I was a kid, after school I used to sometimes be at my grandmas place and we watched Days of Our Lives and the intro was an hour glass and a voice said ”Like sand in the hour glass… so are the days of our lives” and she used to fry chicken hearts and give them to me on a little plate. Swedish grandmas make cinnamon buns but Eastern European ones makes chicken hearts.

I don’t know why I’m thinking about this…

Anyways… I was thinking about what I wrote the other day about the subconscious and that the dreams get better and more symbolic and detailed when you start paying attention to them. Do you think that means that the subconscious is trying to contact the conscious part of our brain and knows when the conscious is paying attention so it tries to give us messages because it knows that we are tuned in? And then when you are not paying attention it’s just like why even make an effort, and it just gives you trash dreams. Because then the subconscious is just playing for an empty theatre. You know what I mean?

going to bed now. good night