It’s my fourth season here and a cycle is complete. It’s funny how I always take a photo in the exact same spot. Of course this time I did it on purpose because I wanted it to match the other ones. wonderful things are happening in the forest every day now (and not only in the forest.)
P.S Yesterday after I posted here I read my old entries and I realized I sound like totally deranged, but just so you know it’s just my style of writing. it’s stream of consciousness and also I am writing in the vein of Britney Spears instagram captions. I low key have a masters degree and I can be normal if I want to. This is a choice. Ds
i am finally, finally FINALLY done with my degree project!
i am so happy !!
here are some stills from the videos that are part of the work. the project is called 4 elements: reveries and consists of four metalwork objects and four video works exploring the four elements earth, air, fire and water.
i had the idea of a series of objects + video investigating the elements over a year ago, and then made like a yoke and a video performance with a sacrifice of milk and honey to the earth (which i now view as kind of a pilot, but also a work of its own). i then chose to do this new quartet as my degree project. after i had started the project, i unrelatedly got a book recommendation from salt salome, a really interesting artist currently living in berlin, on a book by the french philosopher Gaston Bachelard, The Psychoanalysis of Fire. Looking into him, i soon discovered he had written books on all of the four elements. I read them all. they are so interesting because they are about the relationship between the elements and our human imagination. I was inspired by his ideas, especially his concept of rêverie, the french word for daydreaming. Bachelard has this idea of active daydreaming, as a creative method and condition, kind of. This really resonated with me and with how I work, and also on how to approach the elements. So I used reverie, active daydreaming, as a method, but also view each object and each video as a revery, daydream, in physical and visual form. They are like manifestations of my daydreams about each element kind of
My examination was last week and i was so nervous because the opponent was kind of tough on the person before me, but it went great and we had a pretty nice discussion! Our examination also have a special format, that veryone views your work, and then you have to hold a speech for 10-15 minutes, presenting your work in front of the teachers, the opponent and all of the class, and also the second and first-years, and anyone else who wants to come because they are public. then the opponent critiques your work for 15 minutes, then open discussion for 15 minutes, and then everyone leaves except the teachers and there is a closed discussion for 15 minutes so it is kind of intense. i was so happy when it was over because i had been nervous for so long haha.
my friend Alvar helped me build a wall, or, two walls, that made like a corner, and then i placed it facing another corner, creating 4 walls. you enter from the gap and are then supposed to sit down in the middle, on each wall one video is projected, and one object is on a shelf underneath the video, so you are kind of surrounded by the videos and the elements and can look at them all at once. so i guess it is more like an installation, and i want it to be like an invitation for the viewer to daydream themselves. i have never had my own music for any of my video works, and my bf who works a lot with sound in his own practice made a really beautiful soundtrack that was perfect for the videos and the mood i was looking for. it was fun to have that dialogue about the sound and he did like three different ones and i had recorded different sounds of trees and stuff that i sent him. my friends, Paula, Ella, Susanna and Molly, modelled for me in the videos and agreed to be filmed for the images i had in mind of the human body meeting the elements, and also helped me film myself. i am very lucky to have these people in my life and it feels beautiful they were all involved in some way in the project :’) i get by with a little help from my friends fr fr…
i am sorry if i sound like a person who thinks they won an oscar or something but i am just so happy that i am done, happy to see it all come together, and super happy i completed my bfa, doing this whole education without any student loans or funding, it has at times been tough. i have had to work pretty hard, working daytime in school and working as a waitress in the evenings. i dont want to make a big fuss but ending this era feels a bit emotional, and there have been times where i really doubted myself and what i can do. so getting it together was kind of a big deal for me. and i cant pretend to be cool about it sorry..
anyways the work will be exhibited together with that of all of the other graduates at the spring exhibition of Konstfack, 13th-24th of may! will post the videos after.
p.s now i have my life back! so i am happy about that also d.s
hi how are you? i hope you, whoever are reading this, are good, rested and warm and that you can rest and get some energy for the new year we have ahead of us. i have now seen almost all the seasons in this forest, the forest that is the path between me and my bf. the only season I havent seen here is now spring. I cant wait. i dont know how 2025 was for you, but for me it was a really intense and transformative year, like introspective and also, really existential in so many ways. i feel like it has been like a coming of age-year for me.. i had some really big changes in my life! on the inside, and on the outside. which was all for the better. but change can be really painful sometimes u kno.. it still is existential bc i am thinking a lot of how to survive and support myself doing what I want to do, how to actually live. it is really boring to think of, but i think it is a sign i am becoming a more responsible and grown up person, which, if you have been reading, i have been going on about all year, project real life and all that about killing the manic pixie dream girl inside. i have been working a lot, at so many different jobs, but also working on myself like mentally hehe. i have become aware of my own patterns, which is good, but also painful, and i think i have been pretty hard on myself trying to change them. but it is hard when the very qualities that gets you into trouble is also kind of what makes you alive as a person. ugh i feel like im writing the same blog post all over again every time. all im saying is im trying to find balance i guess. i think i need a small victory of some sort to get back on track and get my creative confidence back. i kind of fell down in a tunnel of self doubt in the end of the year, i am doing my final year at my BFA at art school and we had this big examination in december that was supposed to be like one part of our project, and i had been working on this really big vessel, and had a little video work with it, and then you had to hold a speech of 7-10 minutes on your work in front of all the teachers and the first- and second-years and your class. I said I am looking for God in all that is beautiful, and that beauty is existential and bla bla bla and also about the element of earth and then my teachers failed me. The reason was they were confused by my speech, they said, especially about the god and beauty existential stuff and it was hard to connect it to my work. Sadly, I handled it terribly. I got very angry, then sad, and started arguing with them. I was like, if i was an artist 100 years ago that talked about searching for God in Beauty, nobody would raise a fucking eyebrow. They said I am using such big words, and such fantastic words and one teacher actualy said “such fantastic worlds, and we cant be a school of fantasticness” (but in swedish, i dont know how to write it better)… Isnt that depressing? Also, the whole ordeal, and my own reaction, made me feel really stupid. It really reminded me of being a child. A child using to big words, that I couldnt make myself be understood, It made me feel naive and stupid. It makes me wonder how I come across. And then when I become upset, I feel even more childish. And I guess that was painful to me because I have been thinking so much about being an Adult. Also, of course it is painful when you are talking from your heart about why you are even doing art and are being vulnerable and then your teachers say they can’t see that in your work.. also, i was a bit over-worked and tired. I am not a child, but I am, in this situation, a student. So I just have to hear them out and listen to what they say so I can get my degree and finish school and then I can say and do whatever I want. All i have to do to pass is change my speech. Anyways, I think it is smarter to take out the God and Beauty stuff because to some people, and especially of certain generations, those words are very charged, and they get super hung up on them. Another teacher at my school recently said that Beauty is the most taboo word in the art-world right now. Bla bla bla. I need to get back up on the horsie and try to learn from this failure, and now after some weeks of rest, reading, laying in my bfs bath tub and watching lord of the rings i think I am ready for that. my favourite character in LOTR is arwens dad Elrond, I think he is funny but also a really good dad and father in law to Aragorn. My favourite scene in all the movies is when Elrond gives Aragorn the sword (erendir?) and then makes him go into the mountain to get that OP ghost army that are cursed. i am sorry for not writing for a while and sorry for rambling as usual when i do, but its my blog I can do what i want to. how was your 2025 and what are your hopes and dreams for 2026? lots of love from snowy sthlm
