I am lying on the floor listening to the Francois Hardy album with the cover of her with a flower in her mouth. I’m not really listening but it is playing in the background. I have been lying here for like half an hour just staring up into the ceiling and thinking, thinking thinking thinking… ever since I came home from work.
All my memories are in the room with me and they are dancing around me but I don’t mind them I should lift my whisky glass and salute them. I am drinking my whisky with ice lately because there is a heat wave in Sthlm and it is a tropical heat even in the night time. But the ice cubes have a nice sound to them and I love rattling them around it ”sparks joy” for me so to speak…
I love lying on the floor. Rokko once joked he was waiting for me to lie down on the floor because i always do when I arrive at Paulas place. Idk why it’s just nice to be close to the ground also I guess I appreciate the change of perspective and not having to relate to any piece of furniture. Also I think one thinks better on the floor. I am in my bikini because I wear it under my clothes when I work because when I get off I sometimes go for a night swim, because it is so warm and you get really sweaty and it’s close to the water. Tonight I didn’t tho because I didn’t bring a towel. So I have to rinse off in a cool shower. Also I feel like I am covered in cobwebs because I biked through the park. Also… there is a huge moth in my apartment but I don’t know what to do about it. I kind of like moths they are so cute. They are actually cuter than butterflies when you think about it, which I am doing now…
Now the song Voila came on and I really love that one. I am looking around the apartment which is basically one big room and today me and Susanna talked about how your home and how you keep it is really symbolic for what is also inside you and how you keep yourself, like there is something psychologically symbolic about it and I kind of psycho analysed her from her home. My home is really beautiful and personal I think and I love every thing and piece of furniture I have but I haven’t put anything up on the walls so some things are standing very just temporarily around. It’s like I don’t want to commit to any decision right now until I know it’s exactly the right decision, if I put a hammer to the nails and put something in the wall, I gotta know it’s the perfect, the IDEAL place for it. So that’s what’s going on with me I guess. I think it’s a good thing I have become more careful and mindful of my decisions.
Also I think I have become a nudist, at least when it comes to swimming, I only want to go swimming in nature naked, is that weird?? But I think it also has to do with that I hate tan lines. I detest them. I am on a mission to get an evenly suntanned butt. So now I go to these secluded cliff places by a lake that Ella showed me and there are other naked people on other cliffs but everyone keeps respectful distance. We all respect the need to be naked in the sun by a lake.
I wish I could describe the feeling that I have right now but I can’t. I think it’s really good but it’s also kind of scary but I also feel calm in a way? I think I am being reborn every day
In a minute I will go and take a shower and go to bed and fall asleep and sleep and it will be so nice. But first some more floor time
xxxx
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